Finally!
Bill Maher takes on the big hitters, check out this satirical commentary on “you tube.”
Now ask yourself:
Do the obvious holes in our healthcare system leave you wanting more?
Do you need a comical outlet to express your concerns about the current state of affairs in healthcare?
Do you wish to be a part of a strategy to bring awareness of Natural Medicine to the public through the political comedian Bill Maher?
Want to be part of the healthcare revolution?
If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, then here’s your chance to make a difference! The plan is to write a satirical newspaper about the current state of health care (and lack there of), the environment, politics, and big pharma. The project is meant to be 100% fun and effective.
Contributors will be chosen based on sarcasm, wit, timing, and subject knowledge. You are, in fact, comedy’s A-team. Rather than assign articles/topics, you are encouraged to use your creative juices and see what you come up with.
Rough drafts due by Dec. 1, early submissions appreciated!
If you have interest in the project or have any additional questions, contact us at kbrown@ncnm.edu.
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What a novel idea! Here’s an article based partly on fact and fiction:
Dumpster Diving in Switzerland
Switzerland is touted by the BBC as being the “Happiest Place on Earth,” but have you ever stopped and wondered why the Swiss are so happy and healthy? For years, scientists credited the daily consumption of yogurt as the main reason. Our top investigative reporter, Chris P. Hamburguer went undercover to discover exactly what the Swiss ate, and quickly poked holes in that shallow idea. He determined that the true cause of optimum health and longevity does deal in fermentation, yet on a much wider scale, and the results may startle you.
Approximately 87% of Swiss citizens prefer to eat moldy and/or decomposed foods, and of this percentage, not one individual ever gets sick.
“Yeah, you never would imagine that eating rotting food can satisfy the pallet,” proclaims 23-year-old Stephan Streusel, “but the earthly flavor really meets all my expectations of a balanced meal. I know this sounds corny, but leftover soggy polenta tastes better after it has sat around awhile.”
Even more alarming is that eating rotten foods makes a lot of sense when you stop to examine the facts. Today foods are typically radiated or pasteurized to prevent the contamination and outbreak of bothersome microorganisms, E.Coli being the most prominent factor for this decision. However, adulterating our food supply creates havoc by eliminating components, like antioxidants and vitamins that are naturally found within foods. These valuable items have protected our bodies for thousands of years, and only recently has the connection between its absence and the onslaught of uncontrollable disease been highlighted.
Antioxidants are powerful agents used to prevent common diseases and tough to treat conditions like cancer. Radiating any food actually denatures valuable antioxidants, such as Vitamin C and E, by knocking off the helpful free electron activity of these organic compounds. Thereby rendering antioxidants ineffective. Vitamins are essential for normal growth and lack of them can cause serious health conditions; a deficiency of Vitamin C can result in conditions such as scurvy, poor wound healing, bleeding disorders, and a compromised immune system; whereas a lack of Vitamin E can cause lack of coordination, difficulty walking, and retinopathy. Pasteurization, on the other hand, is a process where items, such as milk, are heated to high temperatures to kill off any existing microorganisms in the medium. Ever wondered why commercialized milk is fortified? The process of pasteurization also destroys nutritious antioxidant constituents, in addition to iodine and calcium. Both manhandling operations, despite best intentions, contribute to poor health overall.
According to research conducted at the Probiotic-Prolife Clinic in upstate Washington, decomposition reintroduces antioxidants back into the food source providing a means of making the food item healthy again. Seems like a lot of rubbish, but numerous studies show that bacteria can assimilate a lot more in addition to valuable antioxidants, the most prominent being B vitamins: including biotin, folic acid, niacin, and pyridoxine.
Still not convinced? Any given Sunday during the football season, the average American’s diet includes items like cheese, pickles, and beer, and there isn’t an outcry of disgust from any round table discussion. Moreover, fermented foods have a cornucopia of positive benefits. Associate professor Chef Pasteur Gassie at Paris’ prominent Le Cordon Bleu, elaborates, “The process of fermentation partially digests a substance, breaking down difficult to digest fibers and adding nutrients to the mix. Fermenting a food adds flavor and pizzazz, a vitality that only experienced connoisseurs can appreciate.”
At a time when destructive processes like radiation and pasteurization are mainstays in our society, why don’t Americans eat more decomposed foodstuff? If bacteria produce so many positive effects and are attributed to increasing the nutritional components of our food supply, what’s stopping us? “Americans would never go for such a ludicrous idea,” says Molly Larynx, director of public relations for the FDA. “Just because 87% of Swiss citizens dig into their compost bins, does not mean it’s a good idea. More research is certainly needed before we advise the consumption of overly fermented foods.”
How’s that food for thought?
This was so much fun, I could help myself, so I created another. Again, based on fact and fiction. Keep up the awesome and inspirational work at Helfgottblog… your creativity keeps me sane.
Urine-powered battery saves human life
Back in 2005, a Singapore company created the first ever urine-powered battery also known as bio-microelectromechanical systems. Originally thought to be a joke these sustainably powered items were not taken seriously until only recently. Such was the case yesterday when a man found himself in a compromised position and managed to rescue his own life by a serendipitous set of circumstances.
Each urine-powered battery is smaller than a credit cared and initially was developed for testing diabetic patients through cheap healthcare kits. Since its conception, a black market company, known as FreePee, has dramatically morphed the battery’s uses, ranging its product line from pellet-guns to toothbrushes. However, the urine-powered device was devised for times of emergencies, a quick and effective recharge, when cumbersome refilling overrode convenience.
Such was the case for a masonry man operating out in the remote areas of Normal, Illinois. He was working a typical day, collecting rocks, when an unfortunate rockslide pinned his legs under a 100lb slab of limestone, and from there, his day diverged into a rather unusual course of events. After a few hours of verbally calling for help with no avail, he relieved himself. His full bladder recharged his FreePee cellular phone trapped in his pants’ pocket and, through his minimal shifting, managed to dial 911.
His languid reminiscing was heard by local 911 operative, Nancy Bloombery, who recalls the story: “at first I thought the call was some ordinary prankster, standard to us here in Normal. All I heard was muffled groaning, but then I was able to figure out where he was when he lamented about making out with a redhead from Mississippi down off No Hope Road. We dispatched a unit to that location, and sure enough, he was there, stuck between a rock and a hard place!” The mason was quickly unearthed, taken to a conventional hospital where his is being treated for his injuries.
Two physicists originally masterminded the urine-powered device after an unconventional night of karaoke; however, both were immediately fired for the idea back in 2005. Since that time, both physicists remained unemployed searching the Internet for interesting factoids and ran across this story from Normal, Illinois. After yesterday’s set of events, the physicists quickly contacted FreePee and accepted two positions as traveling consultants, providing demonstrations at trade fairs across the globe. The US army is currently considering the technology for wartime missions.