This is PART 3 in a 12 part series for the Year of Sagely Living project, entitled 12.12.12: A journey of self-discovery for a lopsided soul.
To learn more: click here.
For the duration of the month, I felt like I had a sousaphone stationed squarely behind my head, bleating out a tempo unknown to me. But I kept marching forward, awkward as it was, knowing that growth was occurring whether I was aware of it or not. So the month came and went, flashing a few Monday-Mondays into the mix, audaciously moving time forward on its second Sunday. My internal biorhythms got scrambled, and I nose-dived off course at times. Yet somehow my makeshift movements followed suit to unknown brute and less predictable forces. Clumsily, I managed to make it through those 31 cumbersome days on my continued path of self-reflection, getting glimpses of my roughness and inflexibility all along the way. The result was that I learned how to relax in a pigeon holed world; to gladly give in to the mechanisms and comfort of routine.

I must admit that March infiltrated my energetic discourse and made a swan song out of me. Not in the traditional sense of swan song, a trumpeting of retirement, but rather the transforming of an ugly duckling into that of a cygnet who is finally preening her feathers, eliminating the grime from years before, and celebrating her self-discovery. Call it personal acceptance on a whole new level. March militarily forced me to reconcile with my rebel tendencies, pushing me past my own boundaries and pointing out that I needed a bit of balance to keep me on my mission.
The lesson: structure can be good. Yep, for those readers out there, sitting mouths agape, it is true: I now enjoy a bit of structure in my life. I’m successfully developing as a protagonist in this “12.12.12”, a 12-step program for a Year of Sagely Living. Allowing myself to accept structure was quite beneficial and led me down a path upon which I would not normally encroach. The roads became clearly marked and the pattern self-evident. In a sea of strange, my steps slowly progressed, one foot, two foot, three foot, blue foot, somehow still in pursuit of the oddity of me.
Here is the direction I have taken in order to crack the code, finally hatching my psyche from its not-so-innocent shell:
March - Lung, Yin 寅 (Tiger)- Activity/Rest: This category will contain practices having to do with appropriate cycles of rest and activity in daily life - for instance, appropriate waking times throughout the seasons. Why this pairing? This earthly branch and the essence of the Lung Zang are about the peaceful tension between opposites, like the time of the year associated with both. Further, being mindful of our need for balance between rest and activity is great preparation for the often overactive spring/summer energy.
I’m a rebel through and through, finding the chaos in the conventional and status quo. You know what I’m talking about. The vulnerable crack, that narrow space of new understanding within a system; it intrigues me. And I’m not alone.
There are others out there like me, physicists squinting into the cosmos, geneticists deliberating over nature’s blueprints, artists pushing past propriety and adopting new mediums barely bent into existence, as well as the musicians who lace notes together in a fashion that would resurrect Rumi causing him to embroider yet another poem for our eyes to read. This seam is where creation occurs, a rebirthing of ideas and paradigms, which shift and sift the imbalances of our world. This is where I spend most of my time: watching for the oddities, the uniqueness of each system. It’s the movement, the dynamic nature of change that I find fascinating, and would explain why new alternatives are appealing to me and the structure from which it came can appear old hat. Being aware of this is good, but it is not a holistic picture of the universe, nor is it an appropriate fixation for a lopsided soul in pursuit of a balanced and holistic state of existence.
My simple acts of self-discovery have more to do with the uncovering of my personal cracks, peering into the dark areas and learning what it takes to be… well, me. Someone somewhere said that the outer world is a reflection of our inner world… and I’m starting to really believe it now that I’m examining myself with a bird’s eye view. In the past, some of my goals remained unattainable due to my inner imperfection, the inability to keep routine patterns consistent enough in order to add a sound playing board for my explorations. So, to cut to the chase, you could say that I discovered my own weak link in my fledgling flight of personal pursuit, and through introspection I learned a great deal more about balance. And I find this inner unearthing as equally delightful as all the external explorations traveled thus far, especially since I am able to recoup, fueling more energy for my passions. The act of shifting structure into my life added the necessary insight for me to become more sustainable.
It’s no secret to anyone who knows me that I am a bird of a different feather. If I’m alone with my thoughts, chances are I’m whistling some tune or another, concocting yet another crazy scheme to make more individuals aware of their own personal health care. But I don’t ever wish to be perceived as Whistling Dixie, the endeavors outlined in February’s 12.12.12 need tending, my focus must remain steadfast on the tasks at hand.

New ideas continually bubble, surface and pop into my consciousness all the time, and it’s hard to say no to such delightful constructs. Distractions and other weakening ilk keep my target out of reach. Learning how to navigate this life without a road map can be tricky, especially if pursed in a distracted manner. Why not choose a direction and follow through, plan provisions along the way so that I could remain balanced throughout my journey? So, I did just that: I willingly stepped into my black box, felt its walls firmly against my sides and discovered that a routine of self-care could prove comfortable.
What I learned:
Balance presented itself with a pleasant rigidity, adding a solid base note during life’s chaotic orchestrations. In my Pandora’s box I discovered that being sustainably healthy requires me to take my thinking cap off, place it aside, and let my mind relax once and a while. For me balance only appeared after I adopted a structured support system, in the form of social occasions and laughter with friends and family, a new gym membership, as well as consistent acupuncture and massage treatments. Walks in the park are now considered equally as important as a work-related meeting and not substandard. These simple acts bring me pleasure and in turn allow me to remain present and productive at my beloved job.
I am easily distracted. New concepts can quickly capture my attention and sometimes lead me to discover directions different from initially intended; multiple frames of reference and tangents are common to my ways of thinking. Luckily, these qualities offer flexibility and strength when I attempt to communicate my ideas to a larger audience. Continuing to decipher the multitudes of creativeness is good, but staying the course over the long haul in order to reap reward is another skill entirely.
I’m learning that you get what you ask for if you pursue it with passion and a dedicated heart. And as those rewards continue to pile in, I am actively learning to accept and contain its bounty. Enjoying the fruits of my labor is a good thing.
Upon the completion of my third month of the Sagely Living practice I am reminded of the words stated by Arthur Schopenhauer,
“All Truth passes through three stages:
First: it is ridiculed.
Second: it is violently opposed.
Third: it is accepted as being self-evident.”
It should be no surprise that I followed this timeless description to at T. For those of you just tuning in, please refer to January and February for a rather obvious adherence to this pattern. My latest working proof: I am odd and yet I am even… therefore what am I?